A Smile for a Monday

octoberdreamer · Loves Tigers Joined: 06 Jul 2007 Posts: 305

Little Johnny's at it again.....

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand
up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do
you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see
you standing there all by yourself!'
* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself
beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a
tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in
class. She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly
replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the
10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture
and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said
the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Little
Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as
his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked,
'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm
buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS
guy wants to buy Mom.'
_________________
- Elizabeth Wink

TigerBot · Tiger Member Joined: 19 Jun 2007

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TigerBot

bsmith · Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 1:13 pm Post subject:

lol... cute.
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octoberdreamer · Loves Tigers Joined: 06 Jul 2007 Posts: 305

A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Cuddles has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the lab and led it out of the exam room. He returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. She screamed, "$150.00!" "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00."
_________________
- Elizabeth Wink

bsmith · Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 7:46 am Post subject:

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